Interesting Reading

I visited the local library earlier this week. I had the titles I wanted in hand and was headed to the check-out desk when a bright yellow book caught my eye. I know you aren't supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I did. I challenge you to look squarely into your monitor and type a comment saying you never have! Anyway, my eyes and brain saw 'Survival Handbook" on the front and large print on the inside so I checked it out.

When I got around to reading it, I noticed the full title was 'The WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook: EXTREME EDITION.' A title like that can get your attention! The table of contents is interesting. I mean how many people - around here, anyway - are going to need to know how to survive an elephant stampede, escape from a charging rhino or an angry gorilla, outwit a pack of wolves??? Or surviving being stranded on an iceberg?? There is even a chapter on how to avoid a vampire attack. I didn't think vampires were real. Now I'm not sure.

I didn't need to read the chapter on landing a runaway hot air balloon. I used to be the crew chief for a hot air balloon. Crewed well over a hundred flights. Since I'm the kind of guy who wants to know almost everything about things he does, I was always reading about hot air balloons and asking the pilot 'what if' questions. A crew chief's job is to make sure everyone knows what they are to do and get the balloon off the ground safely and back down safely. I do believe I could land a balloon, runaway or controlled, but only if I was in the basket. That is the first thing one must do--be in the basket. I think I'm ramblin again, gotta get back on topic. There are some useful chapters - saving yourself when having a heart attack, surviving food poisoning, etc.

After reading through some of the chapters, I starting thinking about some of the situations I've found myself in and gotten myself in during my summer job. During the grass growing season I drive a big mower professionally (that means they still pay me in spite of some of those situations) at the local country club golf course. I haven't had angry animals charge me when, well yes I have. Before I moved to NW Ohio I mowed professionally at another golf course.
One rainy AM, I was minding my own business mowing around a tee beside a pond. I looked up and saw a couple angry geese charging me. It seems that I got too close to their nest that I didn't know was there. Later that summer, I was innocently mowing a fair way and was bombed by a flock of low flying geese. I wasn't hit but my mower was struck by shrapnel. Another time I looked behind when mowing a fairway and a deer was running behind me out of breathe and about to collapse. Was it charging me?? Maybe the chapters on charging rhinos, etc. could prove useful. The chapter on nuclear fallout might help next time I'm bombed by low flying geese.

The 'How to Take a Bullet' chapter might help me if I ever have to take a golf ball. My mower has been hit a couple times, but I've never been hit. Better copy that chapter and review it now and then.

There are some very steep spots that I have lost traction and slid semi in control to the bottom stopping short of the creek(so far). There is a 'How to Survive If Your Car Careens Down a Mountainside' and a "How to Escape a Wild Taxi Ride' chapters. Read those twice. The 'How to Deal with a Quadruple Blowout' chapter might help the next time I discover I have a flat. One time I had a wheel fall off. The welds holding the hub to the rim broke and I was running on the hub wondering why I wasn't sitting level anymore.

Maybe I should buy a copy and carry it with me. I never realized how dangerous profession mower driving is.

The back of the book lists a series of disaster titles. Love to get my hands on 'The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Golf.'